I wish I knew I wouldn’t just be giving birth to a new baby but to myself as a new mother. I expected life to change, sleep to change, the housework to change. I didn’t think I’d change. I didn’t expect that at all. This girl, jaded by years of mental illness would transform into a woman, unsure and emotional. All because of a little baby girl.
I wish I knew I could be “real” with other mums. When I can’t make a playdate, my car hasn’t broken down, I have. It’s okay to say that. I wish I knew that we wouldn’t be in the NICU forever.
I wish I knew it was okay to be afraid to look at my baby and to feel no feelings at all when I finally did. I wish I knew how much love I’d have for her once I got “better”.