We undertook The Organised Mum Method together, enjoying a sort of “gamified” cleaning experience.
I had even dyed my hair grey back in the day, back when I was young and that shit looked cool and intentional.
Why was I so quick to shut down the idea? Is it because it wasn't "traditional"? I didn't grow up like that so no one should? It's easy to shut something down when you feel it goes against your normal.
And it wasn't my name on the byline, and it wasn't a generic "by company x". It was her name.
I'm at a place where I don't know if I want to be back to the size I was for the size's sake or because I feel it's more socially acceptable to be an underweight BMI rather than an overweight…
And as I write that I notice how hard I am on myself, how if I said these things to anyone else, it'd be emotional abuse. This is the root of my anxiety, the negative diatribe against myself, from myself.